Letting Go of a Relationship: How to End a Relationship, Move On, and Be Happy Again

One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of a relationship. No matter what the cause of a breakup, learning to let go just often isn’t easy to do. It could be the one that got away, a first love, a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or unrequited love. Regardless of the situation, learning to let go of what’s over is often a very difficult thing to do and the hurt can often last for years if a person simply won’t break the hold.
Recovering from the horrible pain and hurt of a broken relationship is no easy task. When love is found, one naturally wants to believe it will last forever. And it’s great when it does. But when it doesn’t, the hurt and pain can be devastating. But even more devastating can be the pain and suffering the person experiences from not letting go of what’s gone and moving on with living.

Turning off feelings for someone isn’t like turning off a light switch. When a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean the feelings disappear or go away. Being left alone with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, anger, grief, rejection, and despair can prove to be overwhelming. The person might find themselves attempting to contact the other person, making up reasons to be where the other person is, calling them repeatedly, etc….anything to keep in contact with the other person or have some kind of hold or attachment still with them. And while it’s a natural thing to want to do this, it prevents us being healed of the relationship.

In order to let go and live again, the past must be closed. It is impossible to live in the past. You can’t look forward to a future when you live in what was, rather than in the here and now. What has happened is gone, and no amount of wanting, wishing, or regret will undo or changed what’s already happened and is over with.

To put closure on the past, you have to let go of the feeling that you can’t make it without the other person. Feelings of failure, trying to contact the person (unless you have children together), dependency, guilt, resentment, and anger… all of these feelings must be dealt with and brought under control. While they are normal to feel, continuing to harbor them keeps you from being healed of the hurt, and therefore keeps you from living and being happy again.

Often when a relationship ends, one or both parties have the mindset that they are a failure. They measure their self worth by whether a relationship lasted or died. One’s self worth should never be measured by another person, but rather how they are. When you love yourself, you will learn that your self worth does not revolve around another person but rather is enhanced by the other person.

While there is just no way to magically heal the pain and hurting of a lost relationship, there are ways to help yourself heal. The main thing is that you have to allow yourself to want to heal, and not keep clinging to something that you simply cannot change.

Stop beating yourself up over the past. It’s done, it’s gone, it’s not changing. No matter who is at fault for the breakup, no amount of blaming yourself or feeling guilty will undo the past. Forgive either the other person or yourself (or both) and allow yourself to be happy again.

Unless you have children together, stop contacting the person. Don’t try to be where they are, don’t call them and leave them messages, don’t email them, don’t follow them around. Leave them alone! Continuing to attempt to be in contact with them (unless you have kids) does nothing but harass them and keep you tied to the pain.

Go out on dates with others and actually enjoy yourself. Have fun! And whatever you do, don’t spend the date talking about your ex and how much you miss them and want them back. This won’t lead to a second date! Go out and be happy, leave the worries behind. You might just find you had a fantastic time.
Allow yourself to heal from the breakup. Allow yourself to enjoy life again, to be happy. Allow yourself to heal from the past hurts and pain. Allow yourself the freedom to love again. Let go of the past, and be happy.

taken from yahoo for reference purposes only.

Birthday Blues

Birthday Blues

Tears fell down and mixed with the rain.
Thunders synched with my sobs in shame
Feet kept walking along the silent streets
the rain washed away my fears and threats.

The stars were hiding, direction they’re depriving.
Clouds were formed and the skies were blackened
Steps were usual yet intended to strain,
As my heart beats, expectations in vain.

The tormenting pain of the jilted goodbyes
Caused the numerous beseech and ended to cries
“Yes” seemed rare and scarcely be heard
Love had vanished for the man with beard.

Merry is awful and Happiness is Weariness
Ironies of what they are supposed to be.
Birthday is starving and party is loneliness
Sick and tired in wishing for a cheerful day.

As the rain had stopped but tears kept pouring,
Confused by the thoughts of the showman’s sayings
Words may have frights, and deeds seemed so right
Pursuing the hike under the lamenting night.

The deafening wind by a blowing breeze
Shivered my heart and placed in peace
Preferred to stay under the morning rain,
than to stay in my room and go insane.

ONE

one

smiles filled with charms cast in each face
arms were tightened as it securely embrace
eyes were vigilant and heads that nod
as their feet were covered with mud.

tweets of the birds, and a whispering snore
synced with the pillows that fell in the floor
sneak and creep as water was being stolen
things as they are remembered all over again

wet shoulders, swollen eyes and crampy limbs,
days of darkness and sadness never ends
one would come, another one will wait
as if realizing what’s for their fate

checking time, check the pocket, seeks the wallet
never been present a hero off of his head
utters, laughter, and gestures,
deceived a monitoring collector

(para wel!)

another one was hurt and one regretted
why this gift came to life so late
one still do and another one’d like to
one came to another one and said “i love you”

depressed and down, starving and struggling,
is what one feel right now and been laying,
one is begging for another one to come
wished for a day of smiles and fun

before one will say his final goodbyes
reconciliation is needed to stop the cries
so please another one,
lets get back to ONE

Set a domain as your localhost.

 xampp

XAMPP is a free and open source cross-platform web server package, consisting mainly of the Apache HTTP Server, MySQL database, and interpreters for scripts written in the PHP and Perl programming languages.

 domain

You can use your desired domain instead of using http://localhost,  like www.rastaval.com as a sample. It will even work even without internet connection.

Here are the simple steps:

1. Install XAMPP in your local computer. You can get it here for free. XAMPP

2. After a successful installation, you need to modify your “hosts” file.

It can be found in these directories:

c:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc

Edit the “hosts” file with your favorite text editor.

3. Find the following texts:

127.0.0.1 localhost

Add some configuration below on it:

127.0.0.1 rastaval.com
127.0.0.1 www.rastaval.com

It should now look like this:

127.0.0.1 localhost
127.0.0.1 rastaval.com
127.0.0.1 www.rastaval.com

4. The next thing to do is to create a directory for your webfiles in the htdocs directory in xampp. Example of a directory name is “rastaval” (without double quotes).

I personally suggest to choose a directory name  for a specific domain.

5. The next thing to do is to explore the following directories:

C:\xampp\apache\conf\extra

Find edit httpd-vhosts.conf with your text editor.

6. Find #NameVirtualHost *:80:

Remove # to uncomment the line.

7. Create a virtual host. As what I did on my configuration with the domain www.rastaval.com in my localhost, it looked like this:

<VirtualHost *:80>
DocumentRoot “C:/xampp/htdocs/rastaval”
ServerName rastaval.com
</VirtualHost>

<VirtualHost *:80>
DocumentRoot “C:/xampp/htdocs/rastaval”
ServerName www.rastaval.com
</VirtualHost>

NOTE:* Be sure everyline of the configuration is not commented or prefixed with #.
Be sure you have created separately for the with www and non-www domains.

8. To check if it is working, create a file and save it as index.php

Edit index.php and enter this simple php function:

<?php
$host = $_SERVER[‘HTTP_HOST’];
?>

<h1 style=”text-align:center;”>
PHP configuration of <?php echo $host; ?></h1>

<?php
phpinfo();
?>

Save it and it should be placed inside the rastaval directory to make it as a starting page for our domain www.rastaval.com

9. Now, run your XAMPP Control Panel, and tick Svc and Click the corresponding Start button for Apache. If you wish to use a database for your site, then you need to run MySQL as well. Ticking Svc means, the application will run as a service and everytime your computer starts, XAMPP will automatically run.

10. Open your favorite web browser, and I recommend Firefox, Flock or Google Chrome to use as your default web browser.
Type in the address bar, http://www.rastaval.com

testing

11. And you’re done. If you wish to create more domains in your localhost, you can just repeat the procedure. Happy Hosting 😀